On Gallifrey, some idiot is stealing a TARDIS from the repair shop...
And Clara tells the 1st Doctor to pick another...
The 6th Doctor walks behind her in the TARDIS, she watches the 7th Doctor dangle, the 3rd Doctor drive...
This is a bit like Trials and Tribulations, but done with crayons.
Clara falls through a muddy looking vortex, watching repeats of DoctorWho, including The Snowmen, The Five Doctors, The Invasion of Time, Arc of Infinity and Dragonfire.
Still think the theme music needs fixing.
In some dingy Bedlam, Madame Vastra listens to an inmate go on about Whispermen.
Strax is in Glasgow, fighting in pubs on his weekend off.
Vastra is arranging a psychic conference call, just as the whispermen creep up.
So far, so... okay. Although not done particularly well, it was certainly nice to see the old Doctors.
It's not over yet...
And I can take or leave the Paternoster gang. In small doses.
Vastra's letter interrupts Clara from boring kids with souffles.
She's drugged the letter, so Clara arrives at the conference call.
So does River Song.
Clara *has* heard of River, but didn't realize she was a woman from what the Doctor has said.
It's alright, Strax didn't know either.
So the murderer has told them the co-ordinates to find Trenzalore...
Jenny's been murdered in the real world, so they must wake up.
Wonder what magical solution Moffat will come up with to bring her back
The whispermen invade the conference call...
And the Great Intelligence - who STILL hasn't brought the Yeti - appears to tell them the Doctor must come to Trenzalore if he wants the Paternoster gang back. I say leave 'em.
The Doctor has arrived at the house where Clara babysits, and even though the kids have buggered off, they don't bother going after them.
Clara tells him about Trenzalore, and he doesn't take the news well.
Trenzalore is *not* his big secret, and it's not the secret that's been found - it's his grave.
This is all set-up so far. I'm waiting for an actual plot to kick in.
So far all that's actually happened is that the GI has kidnapped the gang & issued a ransom demand.
It really is that simple, but it's so shrouded in portentous guff this *feels* convoluted when it isn't.
The TARDIS doesn't want to land on Trenzalore, but the Doctor forces it to crash down, breaking a window.
There across the darkest day, across the battlefield filled with graves, is the dead TARDIS, bloated & giant.
Like Elvis on the loo.
The Doctor finds River's grave, but it's really the secret entrance to the giant TARDIS.
The whispermen shepherd them down the secret passage.
Jenny is dying, but Strax is able to resuscitate her.
The GI arrives to welcome the Paternoster gang to the tomb of the cruel tyrant...
Clara can see River's ghost. She explains how she was saved in the library...
The GI waffles about the Doctor's final battle and reveals his hollow face.
The trouble with this is it's all tellling, no showing.
Clara starts to remember Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS. Unlucky.
The GI needs the Doctor to open the TARDIS tomb for him. The key is his name...
The whispermen circle them. The GI retreads Moffat's cringy obssession with characters actually *saying* "#DoctorWho"
In a total cheat, River whispers his real name so we don't hear but the TARDIS opens...
Well, of course we weren't gonna hear his name!
Inside, where the console should be is a pillar of light...
the map of all the Doctor's journeys and lives...
We get to hear all the old greats. Another touching moment in the blizzard of nonsense.
The GI will enter every second of the Doctor's life and undo all his victories.
Why didn't the Daleks do this yonks ago? Particularly in the time war.
Murray Gold battles valiantly against the odds...
"A universe without the Doctor; there will be consequences..." vaguely echoes the Master in The 5 Doctors.
Without the Doctor, Jenny is dead, Strax is a Sontaran soldier again, who Vastra has to kill in self-defence.
Clara figures out that she has to go into his timeline & get splintered - because that must be what she already did; why she is the impossible girl.
This to me is the whole problem with Clara's character. She's purely and simply a plot device and not a fully formed character at all. If it wasn't for Jenna Coleman's likeable perky performance Clara would be nothing but cardboard. Moffat should have worked out her whole background and domestic set-up before he started the splinters showing up. It's fine for the splinters to only be thumbnail sketches of characters as they only last one episode, but "Clara Prime" had to be a much more rounded and well-defined character. Instead we got just another splinter, whose only difference is she's somewhat non-plussed as to why the Doctor is so fascinated with her.
And while we're at it, it's NOT "strong-willed" or whatever to have her insist on staying at home and only get picked up by the Doctor every now and again, it derails any consistency, and undermines the Doctor/companion relationship. To be blunt, she needs to shit or get off the TARDIS. If you're not ready to leave and leave everything behind, you can't come along. Besides which, it's a damn time machine. You don't stop till you've had enough because your last trip can always put you back where you started - or at least that's what a companion should believe.
Now I'm fine with all the Clara splintering herself backwards along the Doctor's time line; it does make sense. BUT it means this episode is a 45 minute scene of exposition with a piss-poor plot to contrive it playing out.
Indeed. Its all just setup for Day - and even then, the portentousness of this episode is completely made light of.
It's really all set up for Time, with Day as an odd detour.
Plus do we now have to accept that the Doctor & his whole history would be nothing without Clara?
I'm going to prefer that things still happen the way they always would and she only really "saves" him in the sense that she shores up history, foiling the GI, allowing the Doctor to save the day like he always did.
The Doctor can see Ghost River after all. He prepares to go into his own timeline to retrieve Clara.
So this *must* be the last time we'll ever see River, right? Right?
The Doctor sends Clara her leaf to focus on so he can find her.
All the old Doctors rush around her - again, this is the real thrill for any long term fan, those agonizingly close glimpses of Doctors of yester-year. And then...
Another figure in his timeline. Another man who is him, but is not the Doctor.
"What I did... I did without choice. In the name of peace and sanity."
"But not in The Name Of The Doctor."
Yes; genuine goosebumps & honestly one of *the* best cliffhangers ever.
I absolutely loved #TheDayOfTheDoctor, *especially* John Hurt's intriguing, broken, old school Doctor...
but as far as this loose "trilogy" went, Day was the delicious filling in a sandwich made with mouldy bread.
Both #TheNameOfTheDoctor & #TheTimeOfTheDoctor are plotless stinkers saved only by their respective final scenes.
#TheNameOfTheDoctor scores over #TheTimeOfTheDoctor with it's genuinely pleasing clips of old Doctors and *that* cliffhanger whereas #TheTimeOfTheDoctor scores over #TheNameOfTheDoctor with an actual plot (albeit played out like a series of disconnected clips) and Matt Smith's wonderful powerhouse performance as the ancient Doctor.
Name, Day and Time are my fave three run of episodes. All completely brilliant.
Coming Soon... An Unearthly Child