Jon Pertwee ripping Noel a new one - terrifying!
"I'd heard he was thick but I thought they were talking about his waist!" Ho ho ho!
Get yer 3D glasses on!
Pickled in time, like gherkins in a jar!
The Rani and her boy toy watch the floating heads of the first 2 Doctors...
There's a horrible wanky dance version of the McCoy theme...
...then who should turn up but Tom bloody Baker!
"I can hear the heartbeat of a killer! Good luck my dears!"
The Rani and her boy toy are collecting a menagerie of every creature in the universe.
First they need the Doctor out of the way, then they need a human.
The 7th Doctor and Ace arrive in 1993 by the Cutty Sark...
...but they've been knocked out of time.
A flash and a bang and the Doctor de-regenerates into his 6th self.
Worse, they're in Walford!
Another flash and the Doctor becomes his 3rd self and Ace becomes Mel!
What the...
They're in a parallel 2013 where Arthur Fowler's still alive!
Madam! What year is this!
It's 2013 according to the old crones, but in a flash they're back in 1973!
Now Mel has become Susan, and she calls for Ian and Barbara... and her grandfather.
Sarah Jane Smith is in 2013, and she suffers the indignity of her Andy Pandy outfit again...
The Doctor's getting too near the truth as he becomes his 5th self, and meets Peri and Nyssa...
So the Rani unleashes her cornucopia of Who monsters...
...including Cybermen, Ogrons, Vervoids, Pat Butcher, Fifi...
"You're all going on a long journey..."
AUDIENCE: How long?
"A *very* long journey!"
Now Noel's asking us to vote for an Eastenders character to have a pointless cameo...
Part 2! Here are the poll results...
...and that awful, awful, travesty of the music again.
The 5th Doctor calls out the Rani...
...and transforms into his 3rd self, with Liz Shaw.
Liz struggles with the Rani, while the Doctor, er, cowers behind some railings...
...and some East Enders creature interferes, allowing her to escape. Mandy, I think, like anyone gives a shit.
Especially when it should have been Big Ron anyway.
Mike Yates rescues the Doctor in Bessie...
...and he takes the Doctor to meet the Brig! *salutes*
If nothing else good comes of this, and it doesn't, at least we get the 6th Doctor meeting the Brigadier.
As the Rani's plan nears completion...
...Romana meets a couple of Sontarans. No, sorry, that's the Mitchells.
Romana is dragged into the Rani's TARDIS, much to Mike Reid's bemusement.
"Well, I've seen them thrown out of the Vic, but never dragged in..."
"I should be taking it easy, not bounding around like some megaluthian slime skimmer!"
You can tell JNT wrote this.
"Who was that terrible woman!"
The 7th Doctor arrives at Greenwich...
...where he meets Leela wearing a bizarre "indian" outfit.
They figure out that the Rani has plugged Romana into her TARDIS, mistaking her for a human - so now there are TWO time-brains in her machine! (Yeah? So?)
Ace returns, alongside good old K9...
...and, with a little help from his other selves (and K9)...
...the 7th Doctor rigs up the Rani's TARDIS to explode...
...freeing his first 2 selves, and dooming the Rani.
"I, I mean we, are difficult to get rid of!"
IT. IS. OVER.
The casual audience in '93, of which there were millions, just had their stereotypes of Doctor Who reinforced in concrete. A dagger in the heart, all the more terrifying because JNT seriously believed this was good.
Coming Soon... The Curse of Fatal Death
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