The Green Death

As much as I like any of the other versions, the Delia Derbyshire original of the theme is the business. 

Mine all mine... 

50dw50@50dw50 when there is no more room in Hell the CSO will walk the earth #YellowFringe 

Global Chemicals Chief Stevens arrives to chat with some protesters. 

The history-riffing 'piece of paper' would be an email or a text now. 

Oo-er, that Dalek feller's got a manky hand! 

It's that Professor Jones. He's a troublemaker. 

50dw50@50dw50 he's a dish! 

There's some excellent crowd-extra rhubarbing here. "Shut your face!" 

Crikey! Death... Green Death! 

Jo's chanelling the 5th Doctor about 8 years too early with her cricket jumper and beige jacket. 

Jo's scoffing apples, Pertwee tells her to get a bacon butty down her.  

The pair of them are pronouncing "M'tebb-ilis" the non-Matt Smith way... 

"I sometimes think you never listen to a word I say!"

The green glow on the dead man is really effective. 

"Just your cup of tea; fella's bright green, apparently." The Brig takes it all in his stride. 

The Brig's a bit of a petrol-head. 

@Samanthacarey84 says Jo's a fool! She'd spend the rest of her life with the Doctor if she had the chance!  

Jo's going to Llanfairfach whether the Brig likes it or not; he's going there anyway so offers her a lift. 

50dw50@50dw50 the Brig seems back on form after his decent into idiocy in the 3 Doctors 

Yes, good point! 

"The fledgling flies the coop..." 

"...can't you? ...isn't it? ...won't you? ...boyo." This stuff writes itself. 

50dw50@50dw50 Welsh written by two London based writers in the 1970s... 

Very much so!

Get a load of the Brig's swish motor. 

Digging the Brig's John Motson impersonation. 

Metebelis 3 is a bit blue. Isn't it?  

Jo arrives to terrorize Professor Jones and the Wholewheal community with her catastrophic clumsiness. 

Jones says Jo is "only a kid". 

Jones eventually gives himself away by humble-bragging his Nobel prize. 

I've seen Breaking Bad; I'm pretty sure Metebelis 3 is just one GIGANTIC Meth Lab.

Meanwhile the Brig isn't getting too far with Global Chemicals. 

The Brig has to ask to use Global Chemicals' phone. He'd have a mobile now. 

"I'm no scientist, but that has a whiff of BS." The Brig wasn't born yesterday. 

Jones believes Global Chemicals are pumping toxic waste into the mine, and that that's what caused the man to turn green. Seems a safe bet.

Talfryn Thomas! This thing just got a whole lot more Welsh. 

"I'll speak to anyone!" Love it. 

atruedrwhofan@atruedrwhofan a wonderful line repeated a year and a bit later in Robot and proved in nearly every story ever. 

The Doctor breaks the laws of... erm, speed... to get up to Llanfairfach. 

Stevens orders the mine sealed and has a funny turn before putting on a giant pair of headphones. Is it Cybermen?  

Jo's got her very best mining gear on. Dungarees, white fur coat and green gloves. Just like all the miners. 

Grumpy2000@Grumpy20001 white is brave

atruedrwhofan@atruedrwhofan Talf could have been the "Spearhead" porter from the hospital again, still trying to sell his mystery patient story. 

By the time the Brig and the Doctor arrive, Jo's already gone down. 

"It's out of control!" <cliffhanger sting> Pause. Pertwee's eyes flick up and down a couple of times. And... credits. How odd! 

Jo and Bert are about to hit rock bottom. 

The Doctor manages to apply the brakes just in time, but how are Jo and Bert going to get back up? 

Jo and Bert decide their best bet is to go and look for Dai - and another way out! 

When the Brig rings Global Chemicals for cutting equipment Elgin is helpful... but gets cut off. 

John Dearth makes so much of the voice-only part of BOSS. Excellent performance. "Stevens..." 

50dw50@50dw50 he practices with maggots before graduating onto spiders

The Brig gets the knock back when he rocks up at Global Chemicals for some cutting tools. 

"Our revered lord and master, friend Stevens..." 

Global Chemicals are for it now, the Brig's calling in Yates. 

The Doctor has discovered that the cage was deliberately sabotaged! 

Professor Jones arrives on the scene, and is complimented by the Doctor for his green ideas. 

Pertwee's operating heavy machinery and jumping fences. He's quite spry for his age, you know.  

"Venusian Aikido, gentlemen..." 

"...I do hope Terry Walsh didn't hurt you while I sat on that comfy chair out of shot."

Pertwee's banged up. 

Stevens offers to show the Doctor 50 sheds of grey. 

With the cage fixed, the Doctor and the others head down the mine in pursuit of Jo. 

Jo & Bert are heading for the other way out - an old emergency shaft. 

They find green glowing sludge, and Bert decides it's a good idea to touch it. Twonk. 

50dw50@50dw50 give that man a Darwin Award for taking himself out of the gene pool

The Doctor and co. find the Green Dead... 

...while Bert's surprisingly got green fingers. 

He urges Jo to go on ahead, and it's not long till the Doctor catches up. 

In the chamber ahead, Jo's encountered something nasty... 

...and I don't mean the Doctor! 

The tunnel collapses, and... 

Arrggghhh! Fox-skulled johnny-maggots that hiss like snakes!! 

End of part 2!  

Talfryn Thomas makes it to the surface and gets Bert to the ambulance. 

The Brig assures Jones that the Doctor will get Jo back to the surface safe and sound. 

The Doctor & Jo enjoy the new CSO Maggot River Punt ride at Alton Towers. 

Ridiculous 70s 'tache aside, Elgin's a great character. 

The Brig's scrubbed up to give Stevens another ear-bashing. 

But he still won't re-open the mine. 

The Doctor and Jo find the Maggot hatchery. How do you like your Maggot eggs in the morning? 

Elgin catches Fell up to no good, pumping waste. 

The Minister for Ecology seems to be descended from one of the WW1 officers in the War Games... 

50dw50@50dw50 he probably was the establishment being what it is

This goes all the way to the top as Stevens has the Brig hauled over the coals by none other than the PM. 

Elgin battles the crumbling Fell to save Jo & the Doctor... 

... just in the nick of time! 

What's Stevens swigging down there? Scotch? At work, in the afternoon. It's all very 70s isn't it? The Brig gets competitive about it. 

Fell's got some pretty kick ass headphones there, but they seem to be giving him tinnitus. 

The BOSS has Stevens set Fell to self-destruct. 

A glimmer of humanity from Stevens? 

Back at the Nut Hutch, no sooner has the Doc quaffed a few glasses of Elderberry wine than he's angling for a free bottle. 

Jones has invented quorn. 

"Right up the Amazon!" Ouch. 

The Brig turns down slumming it at the Nut Hutch in favour of the pub. You knows it. 

Bert didn't make it. 

atruedrwhofan@atruedrwhofan its a genuinely sad scene when the Doctor breaks the news to Jo that Bert has died. 

Parker tells a now chain-smoking Stevens that the Doctor's got a maggot egg. TMI. 

Aye, aye, something going on with Jo & Jones... 

Now the Doctor's pushing his blue crystals on Jo & cock-blocking Cliff. Once he's got a few drinks inside him, I dunno. 

Jo decides to do some reading by the light of the fire... as the now-hatched maggot crawls towards her! 

atruedrwhofan@atruedrwhofan Cliff lent me this great book Doctor. Giant toadstools and other "magic mushrooms" of the Amazon.

Maggot attack! Jo should use that big book to splat it.  

End of part 3! 

Parker arrives to nick the egg and gets a face full of maggot, which allows Jo to escape. 

Poor Parker's got the Green Death now. 

In the morning, the Brig decides it's high time he blew something up and heads for the mine. 

The Doctor & Professor Jones get all lab-tastic to discover how the maggot cells mutate & kill humans. 

"Old Jones the Milk says they're going to blow up the mine!" 

The Brig agrees to give the Doctor exactly thirty two and a half minutes to speak to Stevens. 

You're in for it now, Stevens, Pertwee's got his disgusting orange and green car blanket cape on. 

Stevens calls Stella to ask her to get Elgin to bring in the Man from the Ministry. Lot of middle-men there. 

The "man from the ministry" is none other than Yates, undercover! 

Bizarrely over-dramatic here as the Doctor rants at Yates to stop the Brig, intercut with the Brig's countdown. 

Too late! Boom! The Brig's happy, anyway, he's finally got to blow something up. It took till episode 4. 

Stevens asks Elgin to make sure Yates is well looked after. Bow wow. 

50dw50@50dw50 Yates is probably one of the few characters in classic Who to get a character arc

BOSS thinks the Doctor is trouble. 

Pertwee looks quite odd in that red velvet waistcoat 

"I'm not the dunderhead you all seem to think!" Poor beleaguered Brig. 

"We'll see no more of those creepy crawlies, you mark my words!" 

Cue pipe full of maggots and "'orrible, it is!" 

And of course the Maggots reach the surface! 

Elgin challenges Stevens; this'll end well. 

"Come and sit down, Elgin."
"Unlock the door." SCREEEEEECH! 

The hills are alive with the sound of MAGGOTS! 

Chitty what? Chitty-ness? Now I'm a bit unsure which the Doctor is pronouncing Metebelis correctly! 

Yates can't get a word out edge-ways... 

...so the Doctor will have to go in. 

Pertwee's turn as the milk man is hilarious for all the wrong reasons. "I'm his da!" 

Though not as hilarious as him dragging it up as the cleaner of course. "I like your handbag." 

50dw50@50dw50 keep repeating "its the 70's, its the 70's..."

Jo's gives it some ham-fisted bun-vendor with Cliff's slides. 

She's really bugging the Prof now. "Would you like a nice cup of arsenic?" 

"Brigadier's orders and all that." Now *that* is military precision. 

"Gone to get you a maggot." You really, really, shouldn't have. 

That entire room is BOSS. Nowadays, BOSS'd just be software in the Wi-fi like the GI in The Bells of Saint John. 

Having failed with blowing up the mine, the Brig's now getting the RAF to bomb the quarry. He'll be nuking the whole of Wales just to swat a fly next.

Cliff spots Jo Maggot hunting and gives chase. 

Looks like BOSS has the Doctor doing his tax returns. 

"I am the greatest being this planet has ever seen." Humble, too. 

The Maggots blow Jo's hair dry. 

Jo & Jones have to leg it to avoid the Brig's heli-bomber. 

"I can't be wrong, I'm infallible!" 

The Doctor confuzzles the BOSS with a problem of logic. 

atruedrwhofan@atruedrwhofan should have asked Boss to explain series 6. or Series 33, or whatever its called. Circuits blown in seconds. 

Ha! Yes, that would melt anyone's brain! 

Matt Badham@mahdaBttaM I like that idea! Defeated by continuity! 

Stevens plays the Doctor some BOSS tunes. 

Cliff's had a knock and lies down while Jo fiddles with her radio. 

And that's a damn good "HAI!"-ing for Undercover Mike. 

Mike helps the Doctor escape GCHQ(!) but is himself recaptured. 

No point crying over spilled milk. 

"UP ON THE SLAG HEAP WITH THE PROFESSOR" KLAXON! 

"Keep coming straight ahead... in a small cave..." 

The Doctor gives the maggots a headache while Benton rescues Cliff and Jo. 

Cliff's still unconscious and not one of them thinks to check if it's the Green Death. Well done. 

"I've given him a broad spectrum antibiotic."
"Like wot didn't work against the Silurian plague."
"Erm... yeah..." 

Mike thinks it's necessary to kill the Doctor. 

Now it's blue crystals for Mike too. 

And the Brig, who's gone into a trance. 

"Quick! Lash up a scene to introduce a character who thinks like Elgin and acts like Elgin, but who isn't Elgin. Because Elgin's ill!" 

Mike reports to Stevens that the Doctor is dead. 

Yates de-hypnotizes Zippy with the blue crystal but is caught in the act... 

"You just can't depend on anyone. Can you... Mr. Yates?" I *love* that cliffhanger. 

Upside down end credits! Weird. 

The Doctor's flummoxed and the Brig isn't much help. 

Nancy puts the grub out... 

...while Benton brings one in, or the shell of one, anyway. 

The Brig's not tempted by Nancy's charms, he'd rather have a slice of beef. There's a turn up for the books. 

A maggot's ate the grub! Doesn't seem to have gone down too well. 1 star out of 5. 

Of course, yeah, it's the fungus. Kills 'em dead. Fancy a slice? 

They're dying like Maggots! We've licked 'em! We've licked fox-skulled johnny-maggots! 

Cliff moans in bed while Yates is tied up with chains. Typical 70s beeb. 50 Shades of Green. 

"Here, kitty, kitty, come and get your lovely din-dins!" Benton's such a tease. 

Uh-oh, one of the maggots has become a giant fly! 

The Doctor pulls it to the ground using his cape. Madonna knows how that feels, AMIRIGHT? 

Mike escapes to break the news that Mr. James has made a pre-announcement that BOSS takes over at 4pm, but it's already leaked. 

Serendipity! The Doctor figures out what Cliff's on about - the fungus Jo spilled on his slides! 

BOSS gives Stevens an appraisal. "You are inefficient but you're also a fool." Eh? Like being inefficient is good? 

Of course, the fungus is the cure for the green death. Is there anything it can't do? 

Nancy can make the aqueous solution. She's keeping that Nut Hutch running single-handed, and Jones has just been taking all the credit as far as I'm concerned.

"It's no good, sir. I've already explained it to the Brigadier!" Yay! Lines for Terry Walsh! Lovely. 

"Stevens, you're a dull fool too. Activate the total processing of the slave elite!" BOSS sends in the UKIPpers. 

"A love a really juicy mixed metaphor." BOSS would see eye to eye with season 24 Seventh Doctor 

The Prof recovers thanks to the Doctor's mushroom injection. 

The takeover starts, so the Doctor takes the opportunity to sneak back into Global Chemicals.

Stevens has been almost completely integrated into BOSS now; the computer speaks through him. 

Stevens looks into the Doctor's blue crystal and the day is won. "There must be another way!" 

Stevens destroys BOSS from the inside, and dies with it, a tear in his eye. 

Nice that the Doctor does the decent thing and saves Terry Walsh as BOSS goes boom! 

No fungus soup, left. The Brig's scoffed the lot. Needed it after that big bang. 

Jo and Cliff are going after Amazon, to make them pay their taxes or somesuch. 

Shittest proposal ever.  It still seems a bit sudden even though the whole story's been building to it. But it's time for Jo to go... 

Mike puts on a brave face at the news. You had your chance, mate. 

The Brig delivers the news from the nepotism network as Jo's had her uncle at the UN pull strings to fund Cliff's Amazon adventure. 

Mike isn't asking the Brig for a dance now. 

The Doctor gives Jo a wedding gift. Stolen goods, the cheapskate. 

And now that much lauded ending as the Doctor slips out silently and drives Bessie into (or across) the sunset.  

Absolute nonsense that Doctor Who never used to "do" emotion. 

Don't remember the cliffhanger scream at the end of part 6 being so muted on the non-special edition release. 

Farewell Jo... 

50dw50@50dw50 the green death is one of those rare things a Pertwee six parter that really works

Nick Mellish@nickmellish In some ways, The Green Death feels not a season- or companion finale, but Pertwee's swansong more than Spiders

Yes, very much an end of era feel. I guess a modern parallel would be Journey's End before the 2009 specials.

Nick Mellish@nickmellish Very much so. In both cases though, I'm glad we got what followed: I love both Spiders and End of Time. 

TTFN! K.
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