Classic Doctors, Classic Christmas!

Big Finish's "Classic Doctors, New Monsters" boxset has arrived, hurrah! And before it was even been released plans were in the pipework for a second set. As is often the way with these things, one of the first forays into New Series territory to be announced won't actually be with us until after the release of boxsets featuring Torchwood, River Song, Ian MacNeice's Churchill, John Hurt's War Doctor, and even David Tennant's 10th Doctor. 

Sounds like it's going to be fun, though, and with the enticing prospect of Paul McGann's 8th Doctor on the eve of his regeneration in The Night of the Doctor a strong selling point in its' own right, it'll be fun to hear Peter Davison, Colin Baker and Sylvester McCoy facing enemies from the show's 21st Century era. It'll be fascinating to "hear" the Weeping Angels, for a start... (Have to suspect there'll be an "Angel Bob"-a-like, really, don't you!)

But you know what would really be fun? Giving those Classic Doctors their very own New Series style Christmas Specials! Big Finish have done a surprising number of stories that have either taken place at Christmas, or at least had some Christmassy trappings mentioned in passing.  In fact, arguably the two most acclaimed Big Finish works, Spare Parts - yes really - and of course, Rob Shearman's masterpiece The Chimes of Midnight are both tales set in the bleak midwinter. If you're looking for something a bit (alright, a lot) rompier, then of course look no further than The One Doctor or Bang-Bang-A-Boom! I mean if there's one thing camper than Christmas, it's Eurovision - in space!

But these are all stories in the style of Big Finish, understandably fitting more into their very own production eras, between other BF stories of their time, than those of the Doctors whose eras they magically and infinitely extend. What if we could have a set that was a bit more "Lost Stories", though? Christmas Specials that never were, more of their real time? What might those Christmas Specials have been like?

1977: The 4th Doctor (Tom Baker)  
[Between The Sun Makers and Underworld]

Imagining for a moment there'd actually been a spare penny in the Season 15 budget (and, y'know... Underworld...) what festive scrapes might Tom Baker's mighty 4th Doctor inflicted on the nightmares of new producer Graham Williams with the aid of pals Leela (Louise Jameson) and K9 (John Leeson)? 

How about departing script editor Robert Holmes signing off not with tedious tax whinge The Sun Makers but a return to Victorian England to join the incomparable infernal investigation of Henry Gordon Jago and Professor Litefoot into a Dickens-esque Christmas mystery with Figgy Pudding, spooky spectres and a villainsous Scrooge type played by none other than Reggie Perrin himself, Leonard Rossiter!  

1983: The 5th Doctor (Peter Davison) [Following The Five Doctors and preceding Warriors of the Deep]

Riding high and in rude health after his 20th birthday just a few weeks previous, what if Peter Davison's 5th Doctor saw the ABC chip in not just for the anniversary special but also a Christmas Special? 

Shirking his presidential duties, the 5th Doctor and reluctant companions Tegan (Janet Fielding) and Turlough (Mark Strickson) find their plastic pal who's no fun to be with, Kamelion, divert the TARDIS to Iceland where mythical giantess, Grýla (played by Patricia Hayes), is revealed to be an alien, whose Yule Lads are out to punish children who've been naughty not nice.  

But can even Kamelion's unique abilities save the TARDIS crew from the Yule Cat, a beast that, according to folklore, eats children who don't receive new clothes for Christmas... 

And yes, the Yule Cat probably would have just been the Garm painted black.

1986: The 6th Doctor (Colin Baker)  
[Following The Trial of a Time Lord]

The chances of a Christmas Special coming from Grade were a million to one, you'd say, but hey, why not; maybe this could have been Colin Baker's last adventure. If Big Finish hadn't already done it, obviously. 

Most likely guest star at this point would surely have been a return for Kate O'Mara's Rani, but taking part in promotion for the BBC's Autumn Season Colin Baker (and Nicola Bryant) could be seen posing alongside the likes of Maggie Philbin, David Jason and Kenny Everett. Could Del Boy himself prove a coup for the recently pardoned Time Lord? Nah, out of this line-up surely yer actual JNT would be seen in a pointy promotional shot with none other than Kenny Everett. After all, it's a well known fact that the 6th Doctor's outfit was designed in the best possible taste. 

(photo (c) Alpha Press)

Maybe Kenny would make a good 80s update of 60s comic villain the Demon Magician? He'd put Jim Carrey's Grinch in the shade with ease, I reckon.

And as it was Christmas, maybe Bonnie Langford's Mel would have allowed the 6th Doctor to make his last words "eggnog, eggnog, eggnog..."? 

1989: The 7th Doctor (Sylvester McCoy)  
[Following Survival]

A mere 2 days after the 7th Doctor and Ace walked off our screens headed for worlds where the sky is burning, where the sea's asleep, and the rivers dream, people made of smoke, and cities made of song... Marco Polo met a grisly end under a Blackpool tram, but the BBC's biggest Christmas special of 1989 was set... on an August Bank Holiday. 

Seems a bit of a shame that David Jason's Only Fools Jolly Boys Outing meant he couldn't be treated to something a bit more seasonal, really. Well, as people couldn't get enough of him at Christmas 1989, he could always have teamed up with Sylvester McCoy  & Sophie Aldred, who were at something of a loose end, seeking out danger, injustice, and hoping to avoid the tea getting cold. And, having stuck it to Mrs. Thatcher so harshly in 1988's The Happiness Patrol that Newsnight noticed it a mere 25 years later, maybe Doctor Who would have echoed that year's BBC production of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe with another Ice Queen, in the form of a third and final outing for Kate O'Mara's Rani, while Jason could have been the Troll that creates the evil mirror.  

Come on, Del, we've got work to do!

1998: The 8th Doctor (Paul McGann) [Following a post TV Movie British Revival, The Christmas Invasion?]

After the 1996 TV Movie proved enough of a hit in the UK for the BBC to bring Paul McGann's 8th Doctor back in house following a Universal walk-away,  you'll no doubt remember how young scamp Russell Television Davies gave us his truncated first season with McGann at the helm of a slightly scaled down if still Jules Verne-ian TARDIS, feisty Anna Friel off of Brookie in tow as Rose Tyler. Of course you do!

With the Dalek Invasion of 202nd Century Earth hastily dispatched in the Parting of the Ways, fans might wonder whether a 2nd series would be on the cards, and what the fate of Rose Tyler might have been, the TARDIS having warned our hero that his companion could be dying from her exposure to the time vortex...

Well, he'd have to take her home, wouldn't he, where she'd spend most of the Christmas Special laid up in bed while he teamed up with UNIT and Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart to defeat the Sycorax Invasion, wouldn't he?

Ghosts of Christmases Past 
What other Christmases might we have had? Christmas in E-Space between State of Decay and Warriors' Gate? Christmas in couples counselling in the aftermath of The Twin Dilemma as the 6th Doctor & Peri work through their differences before facing the ATTACK OF THE CYBERMEN? What about the companionless 4th Doctor at Christmas 1976 - could Tom have been (almost) granted his wish and had a talking sprout on his shoulder as his companion? Who knows... 

TTFN! K.
Coming Soon... Delta and the Bannermen