Thursday, 17 November 2016

The Curse of Fatal Death

Comic Relief Spoof; 23 minutes total, broadcast in 4 segments on night of 12th March 1999 as part of the Comic Relief Telethon. Writer: Steven Moffat, Director: John Henderson, Producer: Sue Vertue, Executive Producer: Richard Curtis

Oo, old Tom Baker style credits with Rowan Atkinson's face. 

An opening shot from the (then) most recent story, the TV Movie...

Some lovely old Pertwee era music as we open with the Master (Jonathan Pryce) scheming in his green-tinted TARDIS.

But the Doctor knows he's listening in, and tells him he has some news...

The Doctor invites the Master down for a chat on the planet Tersurus.

The Master agrees, chuffed to bits he'll have another chance at gaining "the deadly vengeance of deadly revenge!"

The TARDIS arrives on the planet below...

...and out step the 9th Doctor (Rowan Atkinson) & his companion Emma (Julia Sawalha).

Terserus was once home to the Terserons, a kindly and peace loving race who were shunned and abhorred because their method of communication was gastric emissions! 

It seems the Master arrived first...

...and he soon unleashes the spikes of doom! 

The Doctor counters with...

...the sofa of reasonable comfort!

When the Master bribed the architect to drop a giant stone on his nemesis...

...the Doctor had already been back and bribed him to make it hollow.

They're just out timey-wimey-ing each other now.

After saving every planet ever 27 times the Doctor has decided to marry his companion.

The Master is disgusted by the very thought of the Doctor kissing his companion...

The Master's final trap backfires... he trapdoors himself down into the sewers!

The Master returns, having climbed up after hundreds of years and travelled back in time to now(!).

He's not alone, though - he's brought the Daleks with him!

"So, Doctor, we meet again!"
"Yes, how are things?"

Music from Resurrection of the Daleks here, as we learn the Daleks have given the Master a plunger hand for... reasons.

"After only dung slugs for food, and the occasional company on those long lonely nights..." 

After falling down the trapdoor again... even older Master returns. 

He's soon at it again.

Some horrific Keff effort at music here.

The Doctor and Emma make a break for it as the Master crawls back from the sewers once again...

...but they run straight into an army of model Daleks! Cliffhanger!

"Previously on Doctor Who..."

"So, given that exterminating you would be the most sensible thing to do, why do they always change their minds at the last moment?" 

"I'll explain later." 

The Master has been augmented with some music from Logopolis. 

"They're not breasts, okay, they're Dalek bumps. They're also extremely firm..."

The black Dalek whispers to the Doctor that the Master will be exterminated once he hands over the zedtronic beam. 

"Why do you have chairs on a Dalek spaceship anyway?"
The Doctor "communicates" with the Master via the medium of bottom burps.

"Could I be tied to a different chair?" 

"Danger? You are facing certain doob. Certain doob?"

"The Daleks are planning to exterminate you as soon as you twiddley heepy jeepy?" 

"Sorry, that was me." 

The Daleks rumble them and start firing wildly, hitting the zedtronic beam generator in the process. Great effect on the Dalek guns, actually.

The zedtronic beam machine is going to explode and implode, and only the Doctor can fix the generator...

...but he's been hit by a stray shot and is dying.

There's just time for one last "I love you" through the medium of Master-translated bottom burps, and then...

"Behold, the miracle of the Time Lords!"

...he regenerates into his 10th incarnation: Richard E. Grant!

"Sorry about that, just though I'd slip into something more comfortable. Result? Cute, sexy and lick-the-mirror handsome!"

"You're the camp one! Nice tits." 

You can hardly even tell Moffat wrote this.

Seems Emma's not too put out at how the narcissistic new Doctor's scrubbed up.

So the wedding's still on, but first the Doctor must fix the generator.

Unfortunately, it's still throwing a wobbler, and a minor explosion later, he's regenerated again!

Bad news for Emma, though: the 11th Doctor (Jim Broadbent) is "a bit shy of girls"!

"Oh dear, another girl!"
"These are Dalek bumps; They can locate aetheric beam emissions and everything!" 

Another attempt is similarly disastrous...

...and he regenerates once again...

...into his 12th incarnation (Hugh Grant)!

...and all because he forgot to unplug first! 

"Oh, Doctor!" 

"Oh, assistant!"

But even though the generator has been shut down, there's still residual energy zapping about and the 12th Doctor is struck down too.

"I'm a stupid ass, I should have realised..."

In a shock move, the Daleks decide to spare his life (what's left of it) for saving theirs.

The Master thinks even the Doctor can't regenerate after a blast of Zedtronic energy.

"Look after the universe for me. I've put a lot of work into it."

A bit of Androzani regeneration music...

"You're like Father Christmas, the Wizard of Oz, Scooby Doo!"

"He was never cruel and never cowardly and it'll never be safe to be scared again..."

Even the Master is deeply moved.  "He was the best and bravest of all my foes. From this day forward I will renounce evil and follow the path of goodness to honour my fallen foe. "

But yet again, the Doctor does the impossible...

...and regenerates again!

Ohmigawd, Doctor Who's regenerated into a wimmin!

That's right, the Doctor's 13th incarnation is female! (It's Joanna Lumley!) 

"Emma, look. I've got aetheric beam locators." 
"No, Doctor. I'm afraid those are actual breasts." 

"Are you sure? I think I can see the on switch." 

Looks like the wedding's off.

"Never mind,we can still rattle around the universe, fighting monsters and saving planets. What could be more fun? My best friend by my side, my trusty old TARDIS..."

The 13th Doctor has found a new setting on the sonic screwdriver.

The Doctor and the Master are seeing each other in quite the different light!

"Tell me, why do they call you the Master?" 

"I'll explain later..." 

The two Time Lords leave together to live happily ever after!

Coming Soon: The End of Time

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