Monday, 26 January 2015

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Episode V. How we wished they'd go back and do episodes 1 to 3. Then wished they didn't. 

This time round we're coming at the giant spaceship from the front, as it dispatches probes to the icy surface of Hoth 

Absolutely adore the stop motion tauntauns. 

Luke looks so different since the first film. 

Jason McLaughlin@jangomac72 His skincare programme goes downhill between Empire and Jedi ;0)

he does lose a bit of weight towards the end of this film though, so swings and roundabouts, I guess ;-P 

We're only seconds in and Luke's in trouble. An abominable snowman kills his tauntaun and drags him away. 

Back at Ice Station Zebra, Han leaves Chewie to his repairs and reports in. 

Having gone back to help Luke blow up the Death Star instead of paying his debt, Han now has a bounty on his head.  

The General will be sorry to see Han go, but not as sorry as Basil will be if he doesn't rustle up that Waldorf salad. 

Leia would rather kiss a Wookiee than admit she needs Han. Han says that can be arranged, like Chewie has no say.  

Luke uses the force to grab his lightsaber... 

...and chop off the Yeti's arm. 

He makes his escape into a blizzard.  

Han goes out to look for Luke... 

...but the base doors have to be closed... 

...leaving them both out in the cold overnight. 

Delirious, Luke has a vision of Ob-Wan Kenobi who tells him he must go to Degobah to complete his training under Yoda. 

Han Grylls locates the freezing Luke... 

 ...and makes a tent out of his dead tauntaun to keep them both warm. 

Echo Beach finds them in the morning... 

...and they take Luke back to base for a bath. 

Han's still harassing Leia... she tries to disgust him with some incest. 

Ah, the Empire March in all its glory. Almost odd to hear it now without Mr. Burns appearing. 

Mr. Bronson doesn't fancy a trip to Hoth but Vader is sure that's where Luke is. 

Han and Chewie check out the new arrival, and 3PO rumbles that the Empire are on their doorstep. 

Vader force chokes Mr. Bronson by Skype after Scaroth has squealed on him. 

The rebels start to evacuate ice station zebra, so the empire send in the ground troops. 

The nippy little 2 man ships take on the AT-AT walkers (All Terrain Armored Transport, fact fans). 

Wedge Antilles has risen to the rank of "man who uses own voice" since Episode IV. 

The rebels manage to down an ATAT. 

Luke's hit & crashes at the feet of a Walker, but he can still use the harpoon gun to climb up and chuck a grenade.  

Scaroth's walker's still going though, and the base is breached. Han & Leia's escape route is blocked. 

Darth Vader is in the house. I like his snow troopers. 

Chewie's repairs seem to have been naff all use, but the Falcon makes its escape anyway. 

Luke gets to his X-Wing & heads for the Dagobah system like that reliable near death hallucination of Obi-Wan said. 

With no hyperdrive, Han plays it safe by trying to hide in an asteroid field that will probably smash them to bits. 

Han finds a big hole he wants to get inside. Leia hopes he knows what he's doing. 

Luke's X-Wing crashes on Dagobah. R2 is like the worst SatNav ever. 

Vader isn't interested in excuses. He likes conjuring tricks, fencing and hunting his family across the galaxy. 

Luke feels like he's being watched. 

Kermit's backward talking narky uncle arrives to steal his picnic. 

Yoda decides to take Luke down a peg or two, by giving him the run around. 

Han continues his relentless campaign of workplace harassment. 

3PO to the rescue!  

Pretty much the entire imperial fleet has some sort of allergy to fact checking. 

Here's the Emperor looking like he did in Episode III but not how he looks in Episode VI. 

The Emperor fears Luke becoming a Jedi, but Vader argues he could be an asset if he could be turned to the dark side. 

Luke throws Kermit's bowl of soup on the floor like a big baby. 

Ghost Ben chips in but Yoda plays his usual excuse when he can't be arsed. "too old to begin the training." 

Luke says he's not afraid. "You will be," replies Yoda, "you will be..." 

3PO volunteers to guard the ship when the "cave" lurches about and there's something flying round aside. 

The Falcon escapes what remained a great hiding place. (Why not stay eaten then blast your way out as needs be later?) 

Kermit sends Luke into the slo-mo hallucination swamp-cave... 

...where he decapitates fake Vader...  

...who has *his* face! 

Tired of the incompetence of Mr. Bronson and Scaroth, Vader calls in the bounty hunters.  

Where's Death's Head? 

The Falcon seems to vanish, so Admiral Viet goes to apologize to Vader. Bet he totally accepts. 

Yoda teaches Luke to do handstands, always useful when a guy's coming at you with a laser sword. 

"Size matters not!" says Yoda. 

That's what they all say. 

Luke fails to rescue his X-Wing. 

Yoda manages it easily, but then he's got John Williams doing the heavy lifting here.

See, told you Vader would accept the apology. He accepted the hell out of it. 

Han pretends to be garbage, but Boba Fett's on the case. 

Luke gets R2 high, and has visions of Han and Leia.  

Han takes the Falcon to the refuge of Cloud City where his old mate Lando definitely won't betray him, wink wink. 

You know, most of the SE embellishments - certainly the background ones - are great. 

Lando has landed on his feet, and is *incredibly* lucky that the Empire never seem to bother him...  

3PO bumps into a lookalike, then an unseen familiar face blows him away. 

Luke readies his X-Wing to go after Han & Leia. 

Kermit & Ghost Ben tell him he's not ready.  

"That boy is our last hope."
"No, there is another."
"Yeah, she's on cloud city too. Are you even paying attention?" 

Leia's so concerned she has a costume change and haircut. 

Vader invites the Falconites to tea, but Han - in the worst display of table manners ever seen - shoots at his host! 

He really is a scoundrel. 

Vader interrogates Han, but doesn't bother to actually ask him any questions. Instead he gives him to Death's Head. 

He wants Leia grounded though. He's a strict dad. 

Looks like Vader's been getting Han shit-faced; he's terribly hungover. 

Lando tells Han & Leia that Vader is just using them as bait to trap Luke.  

Way to knock their self-esteem, Lando. 

Lando warns Vader Luke might not survive being frozen in carbonite, so Vader tests it on Indiana Jones. 

"I love you."
"I know."

Han survived the process, so Dingo Fat gets to take him, mint in packaging, to Jabba the Hutt. 

Luke's arrived, so Vader orders a welcoming committee. 

The mint imperials move Leia as bait for Luke.

Did everyone spot Boba Fett pretending be an imperial type there? good. 

Luke & Vader cross swords. 

Chewie tries to throttle Lando, no magical force required.  

"He's only a Wookiee!" Seems the "C" in 3PO's name stands for "Clarkson". 

Chewie's Lando-throttling has delayed them just long enough for Bongo Cat to get away with his Han Popsicle. 

Just when Vader thinks he's frozzed Luke... 

...the blighter jumps out of the way.  

"Impressive. Most impressive. Well, quite impressive. Well, not bad, I guess... er... that's my boy!" 

Vader throws the kitchen sink at him & Luke's game plan goes out the window. With Luke. 

Lando orders an evacuation. One caffeine enema coming up. 

Leia, Lando, 3PO & R2 escape in the Falcon in pursuit of Han. Luke who? 

Vader has Luke where he wants him, and gives him a swift hand-ectomy. 

Vader wants Luke to join him in the family business and bring orders to the galaxy. 

"*I* am your father!"
"Oh, that bit in the slow-mo hallucination swamp-cave makes a lot of sense in that context." 

Luke jumps rather than bring orders to the galaxy. Buggered if he's gonna work for Amazon, even if his dad's the boss. 

Luke psychically messages Leia for a lift home. The Falcon isn't a taxi, you know. 

Lando doesn't get any say. 

The Empire have knackered the hyperdrive so Vader readies the lads to board the Falcon. 

Lando makes himself useful and gets Luke aboard. 

3PO whinges at R2, who literally blows a raspberry at him.  

Vader and Luke go in for a bit of Force-Messaging. 

R2 repairs the hyperdrive, with the help of a thump from Chewie, and they make their escape.  

Vader's now so used to the screw-ups that he can't even be arsed to force choke the Admiral.  

This whole sequence of music for the rebel fleet, leading into the end credits is absolutely sumptious. Bravo. 

Luke's got a cool new robot hand. He'll have to get the hang of the power settings before he tries it out for real. 

We leave the bruised and battered rebels planning their come back in the final part of the trilogy. To be concluded! 

Coming Soon... Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

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