Season 8, Story 5/5, Serial JJJ: 5 x 25min episodes, 22nd May to 19th June 1971, Writer: "Guy Leopold" (Barry Letts & Robert Sloman), Director: Christopher Barry, Script Editor: Terrance Dicks, Producer: Barry Letts
EPISODE ONE
6.15 pm 22nd May 1971
9.2 million viewers
UK Number 1: "Knock Three Times" by Dawn, 2nd of 5 weeks
It was a dark and stormy night...
Frog! Cat! Pub! Thunder! Lightning! Man walking dog!
Lovely familiar thunder sound FX there. Don't know why there's no sun up in the sky... Stormy weather!
Mark Walker@Mark_Walker great opening. Can't beat a dark and stormy night and a graveyard! 
Steve Powner@StevePowner Great atmospheric beginningThe next day, local White Witch claims he died of fright. She cast the runes this morning, you know.
The animals are always the first to know! Then Miss Hawthorne.
Great set dressing at the dig. Where's Tony Robinson?
Jo's whiffling on about Hair, for some reason.
Lisa P & Andrew T@lisacartman Thinking subconsciously about Pertwee's Bouffant (TM)? 
"I'm obviously wasting my time trying to turn you into a scientist!" Well, she did fail science at O level.
Bessie's gallivanting again, the honking cow.
But it's just the Doctor using his remote control to wind her up.
Of course it's a bollocks idea when Jo mentions it, but as soon as Yates suggests watching the telly he's off.
The Passing Parade with Alistair Fergus, presenting from an "Unquiet" place...
Looks like they had a dyslexic set dresser in - that was Santa behind him, not Satan.
Blimey, awful horner/plum pun there.
Mark Walker@Mark_Walker good prediction of a BBC3, but bet they never predicted most of the shite that would be broadcast on it! 
"Would you like to explain that reference, Professor?"
"Get stuffed."
Everyone wants to know what's in the devil's hump.
Horner has a midnight announcement planned. Are we sure he doesn't work for the BBC?
Of course, if they want to tell if she's really a witch, they just need to see if she weighs more than a duck...
Prince is coming? Judging by the height he must be playing Bok.
"Beltane, of course! That's an anagram of Master!!"
This is a local pub for local people...
Mark Walker@Mark_Walker there's nothing for you here!
His wife's hens have stopped laying? Well call UNIT in!
The local Bobby encounters Miss Hawthorne...
...then has a funny turn while she rides the wild wind.
He's left holding his stones.
The Doctor burns rubber in Bessie but that evil wind mucks up the signpost, leaving him to rely on Jo's navigation. Good luck with that!
Canon Smallwood left in mysterious circumstances. He was probably smaller than before when he did, too...
Well blow me, for only the 5th story in a row, the Master pops up!
Impersonating a vicar no less.
Isaac Dakin@IWhittakerDakin Well at least it's not a bloody scarecrow!
The Brig's off to do some murdering. No other reason to wear white gloves, right?
Everyone wants to know what's in the devil's hump.
Horner has a midnight announcement planned. Are we sure he doesn't work for the BBC?
Prince is coming? Judging by the height he must be playing Bok.
This is a local pub for local people...
Mark Walker@Mark_Walker there's nothing for you here! His wife's hens have stopped laying? Well call UNIT in!
The local Bobby encounters Miss Hawthorne...
...then has a funny turn while she rides the wild wind.
He's left holding his stones.
The Doctor burns rubber in Bessie but that evil wind mucks up the signpost, leaving him to rely on Jo's navigation. Good luck with that!
Canon Smallwood left in mysterious circumstances. He was probably smaller than before when he did, too...
Well blow me, for only the 5th story in a row, the Master pops up!
Impersonating a vicar no less.
Isaac Dakin@IWhittakerDakin Well at least it's not a bloody scarecrow! The Brig's off to do some murdering. No other reason to wear white gloves, right?
Jo's got the map upside down. She also failed Geography. And History. And maths. And English.
Quiet please! Lots of lovely hush!
Is it me or does Alistair Fergus look like a slightly younger Mark Gatiss?
Pertwee rubs the locals up the wrong way.
"Forgive me, but I thought... you *are* Margaret Rutherford, aren't you?"
The Doctor puts his foot down but they're still running late if they want to make it to the Master's Hammer Horror theme party.
Horner breaks on through to the other side...
The Doctor arrives to find a fearsome wind has been unleashed from the Devil's Hump! And some bits of polystyrene.
EPISODE TWO
6.10pm 29th May 1971
8.0 million viewers
UK Number 1: "Knock Three Times" by Dawn, 3rd of 5 weeks
Like most of the nation, Benton and the boys have switched over from BBC3.
Pertwee books himself a nice lie down for next episode as the Doctor is frozen in a coma.
Pertwee in a coma - I know, I know, this is serious...
Ah, now we know where the Brig went, he's doing continuity announcements for BBC3.
Yates springs into action: "Get onto the BBC!"
The Master's quite pleased with that little bit of mischief.
The local doctor is puzzled by what sounds like a double heartbeat...
Steve Powner@StevePowner Always enjoy a double heartbeat scene 
...while the local bobby tries to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet, but instead gets stomped by a giant. Don't you just hate it when that happens?
Mike thinks the Doctor is a tough old bird. A christmas turkey, presumably, going by his current state.
Jo welcomes Benton and Yates to the village. Not a flicker of interest from the Doctor.
Some poor sod's got to break it to the Brig in the middle of the night.
MY HELICOPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Benton, Sergeant Benton." International Man of Mystery. Where's *that* spinoff, eh?
Isaac Dakin@IWhittakerDakin According to John Levene Benton's first name was John 
Mark Walker@Mark_Walker lots of imagination there then! 
I prefer to believe it's "Sergeant". Sergeant Sergeant Benton. Or Benton. Sergeant Benton Benton.
"Black Magic? Prefer Terry's All Gold, myself."
Burning bushes by the church? Crikey.
The Doctor wakes up and yells "you're a streaker!" (that joke copyright Planet of the Spiders).
The FX boys are getting to blow a lot of stuff up this time out. There goes a delivery van.
Miss Hawthorne saw a horny devil.
The pub landlord squeals to the Master that the Doctor's up and about.
But equally the Doctor's rumbled who "Mr. Magister" is in next to no time.
Of course, he's patronising Jo in seconds flat.
The Brigadier has a burning rod.
Mark Walker@Mark_Walker stop, Kenneth can't keep up! 
"I see, Yates. So, the Doctor was frozen stiff at the barrow and was then revived by a freak heat wave..."
"...Benton was beaten up by invisible forces and the local white witch claims she's seen the Devil. Any further revelations?"
The Master summons some unseen flapping help...
Pausing only to note the corpse of the copper...
Jo & the Doctor find a tiny compressed spaceship at the dig site.
Bok's having to leg it... "Shit, went to the wrong Barrow, they're in the one across town..."
But he makes it just in time to give them a good growling for the cliffhanger! Phew!
EPISODE THREE
6.10pm, 5th June 1971
8.1 million viewers
UK Number 1: "Knock Three Times" by Dawn, 4th of 5 weeks
Bok fears the Doctor's mumbo AND his jumbo. Klokeda Partha Menin Klatch indeed.
Close your eyes, my darling. Or 3 of them, at least.
The Master asserts his control over the weak-willed Squire.
Science! Magic! Science! Magic! Let's call the whole thing off!
The Brig's still trying to find his way into the village but that mysterious heat barrier seems to be all over the place.
The Doctor shows his assembled mates some horny pictures during a lock-in at the pub. Pertwee, you old rascal.
Steve Powner@StevePowner If it was Tom Baker it would have been Ginger pop all round too shocking! 
The Master has brought the village together for some sort of Jeremy Kyle live style event.
"Well, I still don't get it." Has Benton actually been listening?
The Brig's had a good long think about it... and has decided to blow it up.
"...like a spare lemon waiting for the squeezer!" God only knows what he almost really said there.
The Doctor hypocritically chews Jo out for calling the Brig idiotic.
Kosmic Kris@KosmicKris always hated that bit - smacks of bullying (laugh at my Brig jokes but I'll tell you off for yours) Mark Walker@Mark_Walker That often used quote that bees shouldn't be able to fly is outdated now. Science has worked out how. The Doc should know! Bert the landlord comes a-squealing again, so the Master dispatches a hypnotised henchman.
The Master's patience wears thin...
...and he summons Bok to relight his Squire.
The henchman nicks the Brig's helicopter and tries to drive Bessie into the heat barrier.
The Doctor gets the better of him, of course, but Jo is thrown from the car and knocked unconscious.
Where was the seatbelt, Jo, eh? (Does Bessie have seatbelts? I'm sure she does.)
The Brigadier has the mind of an accountant.
Well, he does know how many beans make five.
£20,000 for a helicopter? Bargain. They cost £5 million by the time of Battlefield.
Everyone has gone wibbly...
Some of them are in the pub mind, so...
Kosmic Kris@KosmicKris you don't get many pub-based stories in post 2005 stories. And Who is the poorer for it! 
Roger Delgado is being chased by the cameraman. Bizarre cliffhanger.
Goes to show how much a part of the UNIT family he is by now that he gets his own cliffhanger, though.
EPISODE FOUR
6.10pm, 12th June 1971
8.1 million viewers
UK Number 1: "Knock Three Times" by Dawn, 5th of 5 weeks
After this masterclass in being patronised by the Doctor, Osgood still lets his daughter go into UNIT.
Jo's ability to stay put literally goes out of the window.
Stephen Thorne is Doctor Who's own Brian Blessed. Except when Brian Blessed is.
Azal's a right bullshitter, trying to take credit for destroying Atlantis, when we know it was Zaroff. Or Kronos.
The Brig wishes he worked in a bank. Don't we all, mate. Obviously no "save the world" bonuses at UNIT.
Mind you, the Brig's got all those knackered helicopters to pay off.
Pertwee on a motorbike. Even more 70s than Marc Bolan on a space hopper eating a curly wurly. UNIT dating solved.
"You must learn the art of waiting, Sgt. The Doctor will come, or else he won't, and that's all that can be said."
Jo's gone off to the Cavern. She's a bit late for the Beatles, though. We know she's a big fan of I Am the Walrus.
Osgood hasn't quite got the hang of the Doctor's whatchamacallit.
"Unleash... the Morris Dancers!" Desperate measures from the Master.
This lot make the Toclafane look like a right load of old balls.
Some guy's just smashed Pertwee with his bladder. That's foreplay to this lot.
Mark Walker@Mark_Walker c'mon Doc, bust out the Venusian Aikido 
Tim@parks8472 Fights the Daemons and Master but leaves the Morris Dancers be... what the hell?! 
Mark Walker@Mark_Walker I know, serious oversight! 
One of the Morris dancers attacks the pub and takes a bash on the noggin from Miss Hawthorne's crystal ball for his troubles.
Bunch of racists, they didn't care about witches till he said the Doctor was a black one.
With the Doctor all tied up, the Master begins his black mass for the Daemon's final judgement.
"Burn him! Haven't had a good burning here since, oh, last week! "
They've got Pertwee tied up like some kind of scarecrow. Miss Hawthorne really can see the future, it seems...
Isaac Dakin@IWhittakerDakin What he needs is a cup o' tea and a slice o' cake from Aunt Sally. 
Mark Walker@Mark_Walker Sergeant Sergeant Benton Benton is a great shot with that pistol 
The Doctor pulls some pzaz of his own with his remote control Bessie crowd pleaser.
They made K9 & Company and worse, Torchwood (kidding!), but not "Sgt. Benton, Man of Action"? Idiots.
The Master demands a cock. Not even kidding.
Jo & Mike gatecrash the Master's Cavern gig.
Isaac Dakin@IWhittakerDakin "CSO CSO Azal!" 
EPISODE FIVE
6.10pm, 19th June 1971
8.3 million viewers
UK Number 1: "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep" by Middle of the Road, 1st of 5 weeks
The Master has Bok disarm Yates...
...and the Doctor has to convince the villagers that there's no such thing as magic.
Yates escapes...
...and the Doctor tries to talk Osgood through the last steps in lashing up his thingybob.
The Doctor hopes to drain off Azals' energy.
Apparently that's Matthew Corbett backchatting the Master. It's Sooty vs. Bok.
Bert's had it. Bok's pointed him to death.
Mark Walker@Mark_Walker Sergeant Osgood looks like he's going to cry! 
The Brig's stick's still hot.
Jo makes Azal feel all funny inside.
Bok's staggering around as if he's pissed. Been at the communion wine, I reckon.
The machine goes kablooie, but the Brig's on the scene now.
The Doctor uses his chance to leg it past the incapacitated Bok.
Great CSO acting from Pertwee here.
Get ready... He's gonna say it...
"Never mind, we'll soon fix him. Jenkins! Chap with the wings there. Five rounds rapid!"
The Doctor and the Master argue over the fate of humanity...
...much to Azal's annoyance.
"What was the bounder's name? Trump, yes, that was it. Donald Trump."
Azal decides to pass on his power to the Doctor...
Benton Bazookas Bok But the Bounder Bounces Back!
The Doctor turns down ultimate power, so Azal decides to destroy the Earth. Stroppy.
"Wrist action does not relate!"
As Azal blows a fuse, the Master cuts his losses and legs it.
SHOCKING. Barry Letts a Bhuddist too.
These days they'd lock him up in Gitmo for blowing up a church like that... but don't worry, Mrs. Whitehouse, IT'S ONLY A MODEL!
"Well, by a ridiculous and foolhardy act of self-sacrifice, Jo here has managed to save us!" There's gratitude for you.
"Look, Jo, why don't you go and get out of that ridiculous garb?"
The Master gives Benton the slip.
But when he tries to escape in Bessie, the Doctor just whips out his remote again.
Isaac Dakin@IWhittakerDakin The doctor cares more about Bessie then he does the master getting away!
"Maximum security guard!" So what, three extras? Four?
Benton and Ms. Hawthorn off to do "a fertility dance"!
"Fancy a dance, Brigadier?"
Bok's staggering around as if he's pissed. Been at the communion wine, I reckon.
The machine goes kablooie, but the Brig's on the scene now.
The Doctor uses his chance to leg it past the incapacitated Bok.
Great CSO acting from Pertwee here.
Get ready... He's gonna say it...
"Never mind, we'll soon fix him. Jenkins! Chap with the wings there. Five rounds rapid!"
The Doctor and the Master argue over the fate of humanity...
...much to Azal's annoyance.
"What was the bounder's name? Trump, yes, that was it. Donald Trump."
Azal decides to pass on his power to the Doctor...
Benton Bazookas Bok But the Bounder Bounces Back!
The Doctor turns down ultimate power, so Azal decides to destroy the Earth. Stroppy.
"Wrist action does not relate!"
As Azal blows a fuse, the Master cuts his losses and legs it.
SHOCKING. Barry Letts a Bhuddist too.
These days they'd lock him up in Gitmo for blowing up a church like that... but don't worry, Mrs. Whitehouse, IT'S ONLY A MODEL!
"Well, by a ridiculous and foolhardy act of self-sacrifice, Jo here has managed to save us!" There's gratitude for you.
"Look, Jo, why don't you go and get out of that ridiculous garb?"
The Master gives Benton the slip.
But when he tries to escape in Bessie, the Doctor just whips out his remote again.
Isaac Dakin@IWhittakerDakin The doctor cares more about Bessie then he does the master getting away! "Maximum security guard!" So what, three extras? Four?
Benton and Ms. Hawthorn off to do "a fertility dance"!
"Fancy a dance, Brigadier?"
"Screw that Yates, let's get down the boozer and get rat-arsed!"
TTFN! K.
Coming Soon... The Stones of Blood
"You're right, Jo, there is magic in the world after all."
TTFN! K.
Coming Soon... The Stones of Blood
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